Tuesday's Beach Day

We did it, we packed up the trucks and drove out to the beach. My friend A is very daring and talked me into a beach pass a few years ago, I got this years also. I dont really love driving on the beach, I am afraid I will do something bad to my truck, I just got a brake job that cost well, too much, almost 2K...ughhhhhh..could have went to Disney for a week! yuka! It to me has always been too much work, but I am trying to be more proactive in planning so I can enjoy my day off more. So I have just made it a goal to try to do grocery shopping and bills on days that I work so that on Tuesday, my precious day off each week with my girl, is devoted to just her and some friends...and Tuesday night is 'family night' where we usually go out for dinner or do something like play a board game together. How do you plan you days off? With all that we do and dream of doing, I find it necessary to write lists and goals each day. This way, I can have time for me, and time for others...better balance, I strive for it each day...the beach day turned out nice, I had a nice cry on the way home with my friend P, she gave me wonderful tight hugs again. I bought a bunch of beads for us to make bracelets but we never did bring them out to play. I am trying to get into beading, such beautiful jewelry you can make, but need to take a class or book, not real good at tieing them together and getting the clasps going....it will take time...but I got some beautiful beads, cant BELIEVE how inexpensive it is to get into this...Next week we will be spending some family time away. My husband is taking the week off and wanted to take Kayla away but I thought, it would be easy that way, book a flight and run, or we can try to get a few days all together, so we will be taking a visit together for two days to a little historical town and village. It will be different as we have a family (his) tradition of going to the July 4th parade in his town, but he didn't mention it, and I feel it is important for us all to take some time together and figure some things out...why we are so rushed all the time, why we seem to struggle with balance...we need to smile, laugh, enjoy....I hope I can be stress free for two days, any ideas how to prepare and not get overwhelmed?! Now, off to work, have a great weekend.

Family Love

Well, we did it, we all met half way where we live for a day together. It rained the entire day, and not one of us complained about it, we were all too excited to be together..we grabbed our umbrellas and walked around the Seaport Village and Aquarium. Kayla has developed a love for handmade cards as she sees me working away at them. She has a makeshift desk next to mine (her craft table is in the kitchen, but she wants to be next to me..we are going to move everything around one of these days and have ours next to eachother), She sent her first handmade card out to her nana and when nana was coming off of the ferry, she had it in her hand. It was a magical moment for Kayla, she was simply amazed with how this worked. She wants to make cards everyday. I will be setting up a little mailing center for her and she can send as many cards out as she wants! She has learned to write most of her letters and loves to tell me what she wants to write and I tell her what letter. She informed me that when she grows up, she thinks she will be a Craft Gurl. She is so cute and appreciates art, and I love your crafty times together. Our day all together as a family as sweet. My mom, sister in law and brother had fun with Kayla as you can see. My dad, brother and husband were working, but we still kept with the plan. They each have their own businesses, so I understand it doesn't always work out, next time! Kayla would run to nana when she needed a rest, which was nice, to get a little break...she is taking a nap on nanas lap...wish I still could, but I am too big!

Sweet Memories Part 2

The name sweet memories will be the gift shop that my friend D and I have always dreamed of opening. She signs her cards Sweet Memories, D. She is someone that I have a history of sharing sweet thoughts and special moments with. She gives from the heart and she has a sweet spirit. She has always been so good over the years since I had Kayla remembering special days, but I have not. I have not done for her what she deserves. We chat at least once a week but rarely get to do the things we loved, browsing the little card stores in Boston, shopping, getting together as a group. We still get together a few times a year, our annual Christmas party commitment, it is usually in the summer! But we do it no matter what time of the year it is. There are 9 of us, including Kayla. They love having her as part of it, as no one else has children. M has kids/grandkids, but they are older and she doesn't bring them. One of the group J moved to Florida and he is home now, so our next gathering seems to be about a week away. We are so laid back and relaxed and just laugh and have fun. I want to put a package together for my sweet memory girl. I talked to her yesterday and told her about my blog and also my craft swap and she is coming. She is one of my creative friends. Our last job together we used to do 'show and tell' in the morning and just bring in our most beautiful gifts, cards, etc. It was a cute moment we shared. I made her this journal last night in bed...I miss her and love her....still have to fix the back, as you can see the red notebook still showing..not easy crafting in bed at midnight! But I feel fulfilled this morning before work....

Swapping Creativity

These pages aren't in order...whoops....wanted to post for the day...so here it is, scrambled!

Sweet Summer Splish Splash

I hope you find these B. Can you see Cole and Kayla swimming around together...well, just imagine, we are sitting by the pool sipping cool drinks, and the guys are entertaining the kids in the pool! Hey, what a way to celebrate our birthdays! Yes! Cannot wait! I wanted to put this one up for you before I fly out of here.

Uncle J

Uncle J, you work so hard, I remember the last time your goddaughter came to see you, you showed her your fish pond and you both were so intense for an hour looking at all the fishies and feeding them. I love everything you have done with your home and your life...I want more time to enjoy it with you. This picture was taken last summer when we visited. Kayla has some very cute memories with her god father. We tried to arrange a get together and meet halfway this weekend, but he will be working. We will meet the others and send pics. I want to plan a day with my bro, I want to spend some time with him...I thought if we chose a place in the middle it would relieve the stress of an overnight visit. It will be about 2 hours for each of us. I thought we are just meeting for the day, don't have to entertain eachother....so far there are a lot of us meeting tomorrow....I just want to be with family, I miss them everyday and dream of our times together....and I miss my bro...I want Kayla to know more and see more of her family....she is a love and is so intense on spending time with them....I won't post for a few days, will be working late tonight and leaving early tomorrow...have a great weekend!!

Breathing in the Garden

I was outside today for a few minutes and wanted to take a few quick pics of some of our gardens. My husband does a little landscaping each evening and keeps everything looking so natural but so pretty. I always appreciated his love for our yard. The fountain is one he bought me for mother's day last year, when he was in Virginia with Kayla on a 10 day camping trip. I love when it is running, it is so peaceful. I love sitting down in my backyard, and just looking at how beautiful things are that we created. There were so many times we wanted to rip things up but just went with what we had and worked on making it look neater.

There was a poem I read today in a book The Seven Whispers. The poem is by Susan Litwak

Tonight Everyone in the World is Dreaming the Same Dream

Each person lies in their bed, restless
calling an unknown name.
An angel comes to each and every one
and says: "Choose one hand," its own hands
shimmering behind its back
"In the right is life, in the left
death, called emptiness." At that moment
sobs are heard all over the earth,
and in the heavenly spheres
a rain of tears.

In the dream I am weeping,
For the angel has no hands,
only wings; and each person gazes
at their own palms, purified and glowing
One hand holds a spark, the other
a dry coal. Each person
spreads their wings.
The earth is created, and moves us
on our journey
toward remembering.

I read this after posting for Mixed Media Memoirs. I bought this book for my mom for her birthday and she sent it back to me along with The Artist's Way. When I told her I wanted to get back into journaling, she sent me a package within a few days.

I have a few friends that have been reading my blogs, their emails are very uplifting. One that I have not written about, which I will on Sunday, asked for the link again. She is a sweet soul and all of the emails I have been getting from my friends are wonderful and motivating.

I have to move forward and get out the door today..but for now, please be good to yourselves and take time to do things that you love....because you will love yourself more when you do....

Need a lift!

This week's
Mixed Media Memoirs challenge is 'Wind Beneath my Wings".

Tuesdays Playdate

This morning, the stress began so early. Tuesday is my only day off during the week, so I try to get everything possibly imaginable done on Monday nights when I get home from work at 6:30. I cooked dinner when I got home last night, then moved all my airconditioners from downstairs to the upstairs because Mark has been so busy, I didn't want to bother him tonight. There were other things that he needed to do like fix my computer! He switched out my keyboard and then what do you know, my internet connection is broken! So we got Kayla to bed by 10pm and I wanted so badly to go food shopping. If someone could have delivered me a large caramel ice coffee with two sweet and lows and milk, I could have swung it, but my 'hair' was just terrible. My hair determines my mood. It was not good, so I went to sleep and got up at 6:30. I cleaned up a little, because there is always a good chance that the playdate winds up at my house, not that I mind, but it is my only day off and after I cleaned my house I wanted it to stay that way, so if I escaped for the day, I could come home to a nice organized, clean home. Aimee called, it would work for her if we got together at my house, because her cabinet guy was coming and her 160 lb dog needed to be with her somewhere else while they installed the cabinets. The only other choice was the beach, she could take the dog there. It was 9am and I had not taken a shower yet (yes, even when I am going to the beach, I have to take a shower, because my 'hair' is like sticking up all over the place) and it takes me at least an hour to get all ready for the beach, but the breaks on my truck have been worrying me and what if they don't work in the sand..I am nervous enough about driving on the beach...AND my legs are white and full of vericose veins...not enjoying the beach idea..I call Patti, she really doesn't want to go either. So, she says, she will make it easier, if I want to go, go with Aimee. I shower and call her back, I really don't want to go to the beach. Not beach ready. And when you get home, you have to wash your car so the salt doesn't do damage in the long run. So, Christine winds up keeping Aimee company. I apologize to Aimee but tell her it is just not a good idea to get together at my house because it is hot and I have no food. So, Patti invites me up. I tell her I will bring us salads, because that is the only playdate food we eat, probably the only salad we eat all week! I am bored with salads, and am running late to go to the supermarket to make a few salads, so I go to panera bread and getStrawberry Poppyseed & Chicken Salad
All-natural citrus-herb chicken, crisp romaine lettuce, fresh strawberries, blueberries, pineapple tidbits, Mandarin oranges, pecans and our sugar-free Poppyseed dressing.. I get Kayla a cookie and a Sierra mist for the way. When I get to Pattis house, the kids are so excited to see us. She comes over and gives me a great big hug, not a superficial hug, one that was the biggest squeeze and she didn't let go for a few seconds. I needed that! The kids go outside and play in the dino pool that they got at BJs. Kayla announces that she is in charge and makes everyone choose a dinosaur and informs them that these are their brothers, and they have to choose a name. Kayla chooses Roger, Olivia chooses Tyrannasaurus Rexy (can't even spell the darn thing) and Jillian chooses Helin. They each have a coordinating color ball for their brothers to play with and the have a tube that goes around their neck.. Each girl held tightly onto their items today. They made up stories and were so creative all day. This was an unusually relaxing playdate. Patti started telling me how much she wants to start beading and making jewelry but she does not know when she would have the time. I told her that this would have been the perfect day, we should have strung beads while they all played together. It has never been this great before. There is usually more fussy dynamics involved and yelling and rough housing. Today it was peaceful. I needed to get away from home and let someone take a little bit of care of me today. After outside play we went inside and beaded kids bracelets. Two of the girls chose to make theirs with their dinos names. Patti and I had a nice talk and we discussed how different it is to fit in now, to find balance, to not lose who you are and what you like to do. She said she mentioned to her husband, she wishes there was a women's club where she could meet people like herself. I said, hmmmm....and told her a little more about blogging. Patti knows me, she knows what my passions and loves are...she understands...she loves crafts and is very creative. I wish I lived closer and could spend some more time with her during the week. She mentioned if we had gone to the beach, it would not have been as relaxing, we would have had to deal with so many other distractions. Today was sweet, and I needed a day with her and her little angels. I got big bear hugs from her girls when I left, and from her again. We always hug hello and good bye. My other friends here with kids, we just don't. She is the only one, I miss that, we all used to do that in New York. I want to connect more with her on an art level and maybe get together and work on some projects. She came up with the most amazing centerpieces for her parents 50th wedding anniversary and I told her I would love to help, so we will get together and do that. I need more of this, I feel complete today and relaxed..and fulfilled...thank you Patti!

Change that I Witness

Last week's topic forMixed Media Memoirs was What Change do I Witness. I thought about the only thing in my life that is always a safe haven and where I feel the most comfortable and myself. When I first bought my home, I was so scared, no one in my family had yet done this, except my parents who moved into and later purchased my grandparent's home. Mark and I had decided that we would start looking for a home and within 6 months, we had found one and closed. When we moved in it was right to work, ripping up carpets, remodeling just about everything. When I look back, we have worked so hard on everything that we have with little or no help from anyone. It was such an accomplishment to us and we felt so good. Things have changed a bit, our careers have changed, life is easy for us. We live within our means. It is simple. Every time I pull into my driveway I just feel at peace, no matter what ever happens through out the day, I am just grateful that I have my home to come to. A lof of family and friends move around a lot and buy their houses whether it is for work, or they are just upgrading. I don't ever want to move. I am too attached to my home, my yard. It is just right. Yes, the rooms change, the decor changes, but it always the same feeling...safe...secure and happy....

My Sweet Laura

Laura, I love you with my heart and soul, reconnecting with you and the way in which we did it was a message from you know who from you know where....we will always be soul sisters, no matter where we are, how often we talk, you will always be part of my heart. I will always remember the story of when you found a picture of us and you started using it as a bookmark in a baby book because you were pregnant and I got that email from you that said you wanted me to know, we had not spoken in years, but we had such a history and you did not want to leave me out. It was so exciting to find out we were pregnant together. Even though out of the whole group, we waited the longest, we still experienced it at the same stage of life together. I know we drifted for reasons, I just don't know why other than we needed to make some decisions in life and we just needed to do them on our own. Thank you for that wonderful message you left me the other day, it 'put me in a place' I have not been in a while. Our friendship is just a reminder of how we are so accepting of eachother and our lives, we have changed so much over the years, but still come back to the bond we started to build in high school. I am so glad you, John, Joseph and Dante are a part of our lives. We will connect soon and plan some weekend together!!

Connect with Friends

I introduced my blog to a friend that I have known since high school, and through out the years we have kept in touch in different ways, phone calls, cards, a few visits to see her in Florida. We love to travel to Florida and do at least a few times a year and the past few visits, we have just not connected. I hope to see her in October for our birthdays. She will know when she sees this post what I mean. I truly think of her often and know what she meant when she said she wanted to be taken to a different place. Bonnie, lets think each day as getting closer to getting our little munchkins together. I am so proud of what you have done with your life and will close my eyes and think of our time that we will be able to spend together in October. I am so lucky to have a sweet friend that understands me...thank you for all your emails lately. They help me to think back to our years of friendship....to me, being a new mom (you) only adds another sweet dimension to our lives together...I love you!

Motivation - Zero

I finished my dad's package last night after Kayla went to bed at 10pm AGAIN. I cannot deal with her late night bed time anymore. I tried putting her to bed for an hour, starting at 8pm, read her three books, told her a 'Princess Valerie and Prince Justin (we make it up everynight...names she chose)' story, rubbed her back and promised her that if she stays in her bed like a big girl, she can SOMEDAY have a sleepover that she has been asking about. No luck, running around like a chicken up and down the stairs laughing. She just does not listen. Sent her downstairs to my husband's office, she fell asleep on a chair down there and he carried her up to bed. Anyone out there with sleeping disorders?! It is so hard, I still insist on 'trying' to follow through with the routine, just doesn't seem to work very well. I printed out pics for my dad and did a little scrapbooking with them. All he ever wants is pictures, but I picked him up some great deals at Old Navy, polos on sale for 10.00, a l ittle windbreaker on sale for 11.00, so he ended up with a little red, white and blue package along with three shirts, a jacket and a hat, and lots of cute pics of his only grandchild. Today Kayla told me she is ready to have a 'brudder'. She wants me to go to the doctor and have the doctor put one in my belly. Well, my little sunshine, that may be the way it will have to work, because the only time your dad and I are home together is when we are fighting to put you to bed! Maybe if you go to bed every night at 8pm then Mommy and Daddy can get going on that little 'brudder'. I have been really thinking of another, and just wish I was 20 lbs lighter, then I would go for it...just can't seem to stick to a diet, I will lose, gain, lose, gain. Last week I started with my 'weekly commitments' to myself. Yogurt and fruit every day for breakfast; this week is 6 glasses of water a day and next week salad with chicken for lunch...each week I will try to add something...not happy in a bathing suit! not at all! from my waist down, no sarong or skirt could cover this! I am too tired to do anything more about it...I woke up with a sore throat, have taken two doses of generic cold medicine, feel sick to my stomach. I need to get out for work by 1pm and be ready for two days of dropping her off tomorrow morning and being back to work at 9am, get her Karate outfit all ironed and cleaned because she has it two days in a row and it has to be squeaky clean or sesai will give her shit. Oh and the babysitter just called, dress her in something that she get get squishy strawberries all over her because they are going strawberry picking (I love Susan, she is the best with Kayla! She always keeps the days she watches her filled with something so fun) I have special compensation at work because I spoke up and said it is too much for me to find someone to watch Kayla at 630 am on Friday mornings, get her there and then get to work by 7am (the required time we 'should' be there). Too much..this Friday morning thing...I have to 'get my butt moving' but feel too sick to! I need to go write out a small list of what I 'need' to do and forget the rest. Kayla is pulling her closet apart and now she is telling me she lost her spider man bandaid and I need to find it.....humm....let me sift through all the crap she has thrown around the house already today that I am too sick to pick up after....well she settled for a new one! Hallelujia!I just need a housecleaner, a babysitter, a therapist and a doctor to impregnate me with a turkey baster then I will feel like I have accomplished something today. Sorry to complain but this is just how I feel right now!

Father's Day

Here I go again..obsessing over gifts....If I don't get my dad's Father's Day stuff in the mail tomorrow, express mail, he will not get it on time. So far this year, I have mailed everything on time, give or take a day, which was one of my New Year's resolutions. If not, I was going to celebrate an 'unbirthday' year and just give when I could, what I could, but so far so good. I made this card last night for my dad. The reason why I have such a hard time giving gifts is because purchasing something at a store, etc. just does not express the way I feel about the people in my life. My dad, I will post something about him on Father's day, is a wonderful, loving, passionate man who has achieved such great things in life, most of all, a love for what he does....He got his Captain's license at age 60. He has always had a love for the ocean, and now charters his boat as well as others off of Montauk on Long Island, NY. He is known as Captain John, and his stories are just simply breath-taking. He is simply the most wonderful man alive to me (and my brothers, husband) I never imagined motherhood to have such an affect on my relationship with my dad. It has been a long journey with him, but we are at a place where I hold no regrets, just simple beautiful memories as well as looking forward to each day with him. I have not shown any of my family my blog yet, and only two close friends from my childhood. I don't know when I will be ready. When were you ready? How does your family react? My family is a very sensitive one and they know what I love, so I am just not sure why I am holding back? Is it because there is stuff that i have not shared yet that I will not if they know? I am not sure myself just yet, have not reached that far down.

A New Creative Challenge for Myself

I love cards and paper, always have before the whole scrapbooking craze came around. I have scrapbooks and that I made when I was a little girl. Around the holidays, my mom called me the Christmas mouse, I would wrap all the presents and make Christmas decorations for the tree. I loved being creative from an early age, just got away from it after I joined the corporate world after college. Artist Trading Cards are new to me, I wanted to try one. I bought some old cards from ebay a while back when I was thinking of names for my gift/card store. The name of the company that made the cards is 'Sugar n Spice'. This was a name that I had thought of in the beginning for my future store. I have years of ideas on what I wanted to do with my business. I crumbled up this box of cards about a year ago when I was getting rid of a lot of clutter, then decided to keep it, although the box is wrecked. I recreated one of the cards that was ripped for my first ATC. The rain drops are hand painted on very very old clear paper. I think of total sweetness when I look at this card, an innocent day reaching for the raindrops, trying to shield the rain my ducking under flowers.

Graduation

Today was graduation at Kayla's school. Some moved onto kindergarten, others are staying on for next year and moving around days. I finished my teachers gifts by adding lemons and limes this morning and made chocolate chip cookies for the gang. It was a beautiful day and Mark showed up. I guess his previously scheduled appointment must have cancelled. I was happy he came. I love my family and just want more for us.
Most of the mothers there stay home with their kids. I work but don't have to for the money. My husband has a successful business that can more than support us. I am not sure what I do or why I do it, I just DO.....it's strange that I just go along with this, committing as much time to a job that I really just don't like. It is not like me, conforming to what everyone else 'thinks' I 'should' do. I have to start to find something else that makes me happy. I want to open a gift shop someday, and don't know what I am waiting for. I am super productive and know that if I could do something that I love, I would be so much happier..... I have so much to look at, I have to respond to some emails and comments on what I am up to with this gift shop...I really need to move forward with my ideas and plans....My daugther sings a song, "Get your butt moving, Get your butt moving" and she runs around the house, that is what I need to do....I should commit a little each day to creating my dream business.....why don't I? I am going ot start!

Hurt Soul

I felt empty yesterday, and was feeling guilty about it. Something happened that just put me into a state where I just gave up on the day. I have every other weekend off, now I feel incomplete and drained going back to work this morning. I have been struggling with sleeping, and have been very irritable lately. I don't want to be this way. Sometimes it is easier to pull myself out of this pit, I am trying hard today. I hope that my sensitivity towards others will remain a part of me today. Last night it did not, I yelled at Kayla because she did not go to bed until 10pm. I am suffering over it today. I love her so much and know I hurt her greatly. When she gets up this morning, all I can do is promise to myself and her I will never do it again. I wish I could handle more and want to, but feel I do the best with what I have. I need to keep some sort of sense of myself today and consider all others along the way. It is hard to get moving today. I want my heart to be complete.

Kayla's Playmate

Today we were trying to get 'stuff' done around the house and yard and Kayla kept asking if Aiden could come over. Our neighbors like their family time too, but when Aiden or Kayla hears eachother in their yards, they are climbing over fences to get to eachother. Can you tell? They are just the two cutest playmates. The nice part about it is my friend Aimee and I are just so easy going about our kid's friendship, our homes, our lives as neighbors. It is nice to have this relationship, especially with someone that lives next door to you. We meet at the fence when one of us needs to borrow something to complete our dinners, when we bake something, we meet to exchange if we have an abundance. I always wondered when I moved here, what it would be like with the people around me. We moved here before they did, only by about 6 months. We were both couples without kids, and I got pregnant one year after she did with Aiden. They go to the same preschool, but Aiden will be moving onto kindergarten. Today they were washing their hands together and Aiden put his hand on Kayla's shoulder and said "Don't worry Kayla, I will still have my Tuesday playdates with you, it will just have to be after school, I will have the bus drop me off right at your house". Having Kayla has definitely added a new dimension to my life. You see adults differently. You probably hang around with some mothers that you wouldn't normally if the kids were not involved. I am so happy to be part of Aiden's life, and hope that Kayla will always have time with him. I get worried as a mother how her friends will affect her life. I was very lonely growing up and felt left out a lot, I was sensitive and a lot troubled me. I don't want her to feel that way. I am still a little bit like that and get a uncomfortable around a group of mothers for some reason. Maybe because I still feel a little immature and know I have a lot of growing to do. Maybe because I am sensitive and always worry about whether or not people accept me. I hope to make the best efforts at friendships with the mothers that Kayla will be at school with next year. Unfortunately this year's group is all moving to Kindergarten, with the exception of Kayla and one other little girl. They just didn't make the cut off. Her teachers say she is academically ready but could use another year socially. I agree. She drew this butterfly today when I was doing my post for Mixed Media Memoirs . She used my good markers, she has her own, but wanted mine, at first I said No, then what the heck! They are replaceable! Is there any advice out there on bonding with the women in the playgroups/school? I thought I would be the first one to run the craft fair, etc. Enough posts for the day!

Mixed Media Memoirs - What I have learned Since....

This weeks Mixed Media Memoirs topic is What I have learned from Mixed Media Memoirs .
Melba Be Alive Believe Be You introduced me to blogging. I have to thank her because for so many years, I have thought that I have not had time to journal anymore. Now that I am back to it, I feel more complete. I am usually in a rush when I post, as I am now, so this took me no time, but I wanted to thank her. I met Mary Ann follow your bliss also, who is just a doll, her art is so sweet. These two women have taught me that there are others that enjoy the sweet things in life, and that there are others that have the same passions I have. I cannot wait to meet them at justBe...inspired!! These two women are amazing and have helped me to reach down to my soul and use my passion for the things I love!

Baby Sock Roses

I don't know why I obsess over gift giving. I make these roses for anyone who is having a baby. I saw them once and have been making them for years. This particular one I made for one of Kayla's teachers who is having a shower in a few weeks. I just think it is cute to have a bouquet of roses that last a while, and it is a nice gift for a new mom to be. I seriously obsess over gift giving. It consumes most of my free time, as ridiculous as it sounds. All day long, creating gifts for people. I wish I could just do it all day long as a career. I am not happy with what I do for my full time career, it is just not rewarding. I do it for family reasons, but often times feel like I sacrifice everything for everyone elses' happiness. I had a good day (my daugthers favorite song! she changed the words from Bad day to good day!) today singing in the car with her, painting boxes and making up stories on paper with stickers. I have a few friends that think I am crazy because I am so into making gifts, and often they say, why do you bother?! I bother because I love to make a handmade gift and it helps me to show my passion for giving. I remember when I made some favors for my daughter's birthday and someone said, why did you waste your time?! Not a waste at all, I want people to understand that this is me, I love what I make, and I have been trying to find more time since I have been blogging, to create. I am more relaxed, happier and feel like I can finally now squeeze in some time for myself.

Teacher's gifts

Today I had to decide what to get Kayla's four teachers for end of the year gifts, even though she will be there during the summer and is not graduating to kindergarten. I filled sun tea jars from an idea I heard about with crystal light and did different tages on them. They came out cute, I bought lemons and limes to top off with the day that I will drop them off. I also decorated some composition note books. I tried to do these 'teacherly' and not so artistically, maybe that is an excuse that I just am not as talented as I would like to be! It was fun, that is all that counts. Now onto a baby shower gift and two little girl birthday gifts. If I don't do something creative, I just don't feel like I am giving from my heart, can't wait to wrap the notebooks! I have lots of blogging to catch up on! Yikes!

My Memorial

When this week's challenge was presented for Mixed Media Memoirs I thought about all those that have passed onto another life. I always think of life after death and how it must be very peaceful and loving. I occassionally surround myself with angelic figurines that may bring peace to my soul. My mother Pauline gave my daughter a figurine of Mother Mary that she had next to her bedside when she was a little girl. She is missing her praying hands as they fell off through the years. She put Mary in a box I had painted her for Christmas along with some grass. Kayla has placed Mary next to her bed in her 'nest'. I cherish everything anyone has ever given to me and usually have a story for each gift, as I believe when someone gives, they give from the heart. Inside the box lays Mary each night in her nest, along with a prayer card for our neighbor who died on April 10th this year. Kayla speaks of John often and last night told me that he was camping up in Heaven and that God was just about done fixing him so he could come back home and be with Mary (his wife). I love her spirituality. My memorial is my memory of a loving family and beautiful friendships. I cherish each day and try to make sure everything I do is contributing to someone's happiness. I have been better accepting of days that I am not able to help everyone with their problems and have taken more of a step back for ME. I want to be remembered as a person that truly cared for everyone and whose heart broke when you were sad. I want to remembered as a woman who loved so much around her and had a true concern for those she knew and loved. I want Kayla Elisabeth (Wise Child, Consectrate from God) to love all things and not feel the pain I have felt for others. I want her to be more accepting of what God's plan is for her...and me....our family..and our friends....

Trip to the Farm

TODAY IS THURSDAY....I work 2-11 and in the morning, Kayla and I have mommy and kayla time. She has a class trip to a local farm today so we went. I had to get her out of bed because after school and karate last night, Mark took her to the carnival until 9:30. She was tired and didn't really want to be there with all the kids, so she kept off to her own. At first I was getting aggravated, but I decided, this is HER day too, HER trip to the farm. She wanted to go sit in the truck and get a drink. All the mothers were telling their kids that they had to wait until it was all over until they could. I decided, it is hot, buggy, smelly and Kayla wants a drink! So, I took her to the truck to get some cheeze-its and a drink. The mothers were all asking me what was wrong when I got back. Nothing! I simply said, Kayla wanted a rest and a few mintues to herself...She likes to be around the kids, but only when she is at school, when she is with me, she just wants mommy, and that is ok, because I want her just as much...I need to let her have her independence...she still had fun, she did things on her own...I always close my eyes when I am with her and just imagine what life was without her. She has brought a new dimension to my life. She has a sweet soul and a deep love for so many things in life. I felt a little lonely today with the whole group, but needed to step away from it and just realize why I was there. For her, so she could grow, experience something new and take from it what she decides to. I think her favorite part was going to the car with me! And that is ok! I loved it too! She was so sweet, she even said, mommy you can go and come back if you want, I will sit here alone....so thoughtful, so caring...My girl...I love her with the strongest passion I have ever felt in my life...I have to go to work now but Thursdays she gets dropped off at a friends for just 4 hours. She loves Susan, who has two little girls, Emily 8 and Elizabeth 11. She has such a good experience there. Tonight is Karate again for one hour, then 'Steak Dinna' with Daddy. They have been going since Kayla was born...every Thursday night....My Kayla and my Mark...what memories we have!