Good and Bad Days

I have so many really good days that can instantly turned into a bad day becasue of my sensitivity and concerns. Yesterday I did my Wednesday thing, work from 7-5 (well, I went in at 6 to 'catch up' on writing some reviews for employees); got dressed at work, went to karate to watch K for a half hour, left there to go to a weight watchers meeting, found out I lost another 3.8, so I am up to 9 lbs in three weeks, now why cant I be happy with that? I felt like I had lost 10 and told everyone I did, so I felt like I disappointed myself. My husband has said nothing to me about it, until I came home, his way of 'caring' and he says he never knows what to say, because it seems whatever he does I might take offense to...so he said, "so how much"..I didnt answer and it began sort of starting a little attitude going back and forth....and it sucked because I know my lack of response started a little spat...just a non supportive, judgemental little thing right before bed....so, now I wake up feeling unfullfilled and awful....I feel unmotivated....b eat up... I love him dearly and I dont mean to bitch about him, and I hope that is not the way I am coming across but I feel as though I have supported him in every way that I can over the past years and feel as though he has just gotten comfortable with the way I have been, and now I need a little more. I am going through some serious life decisions right now with getting pregnant and figuring out what I will do with my career if I do, and if I cant we are going to go the adoption route. I just feel like I want him to be the stronger one. I dont want to be, I want to look to him to be..and it just seems like he wants me to be this tough woman that I am just not right now...I am weak, I am faking that I am strong enough to handle everything that is happening right now. I feel ok about my weight loss, and in the past I would let stress get off track, and I am not right now, I am moving forward with the day of healthy and controlled eating..I am already down a size and I feel great, only 8 more pounds to lose and I will be where I was before I got pregnant. I want to share my loss with my mom, but want to 'surprise' her when I see her, and maybe it is my way of not wanting to disappoint her if I fall off. I dont think I will fall off. We are leaving for vacation on Monday night late, and returning on Sunday early day for soccer. You see my vacation plans are 'selfless' too, I booked late Monday night even though we have our timeshare starting Sunday so my hubby could wrap up any necessary paperwork or jobs on Monday which is a holiday, so he will have all day to do that, then coming back early on Sunday am so my daughter could still go to her soccer and not miss one. Now I have to balance cleaning the house, doing bills, getting everything done for a big corporate visit on Monday, packing, and then figuring out what I will eat while I am away. They have a new Core Plan on Weight Watchers that you can eat chicken, steaks, seafood, kind of like Atkins, and I talked about it at last nights meeting, this is what I will have to do so I dont have to count those points and write down everything I eat. You can eat 'whatever' from the menus. I have made reservations at places that have fish and meat, restaurants that I usually dont eat at, but it will be a nice change..something different....I will be celebrating my 39th birthday there on October 12th and eating at Boma http://disneyworld.disney.go.com/wdw/dining/diningDetail?id=BomaFlavorsofAfricaDiningPage for dinner. My husband has already expressed concern that oh no, it is your birthday down there, what are we going to do for your 'party', I have only really given him a break once, which was last year, and let him do something big for me...usually I just like it to be celebrated quietly with the three of us...you see everyone thinks I am just so outgoing and like things big, I truthfully am a mellow, quiet, person who likes quiet moments with my family.....so I am glad that I am going down to Florida to 'escape' the realities of home and work. I tend to 'babble' in my posts and I am sorry, it is just a way that I get what is bothering me 'out' without having to worry anyone around me...the truth is I am worried about how we are going to get along, I want to just relax but I dont want to agree with everything and just go along for the ride....I want to express myself and be listened to.....