I Don't Often Reveal.....
This week's topic for Mixed Media Memoirs is "I don't often reveal". I have been thinking of another baby for the past four years, and what the doctor said yesterday, is time is running out...I have a great fear of getting and being pregnant. I had a difficult pregnancy the first time around, and a lot of stresses that went along with them...not sure if I could physically do it again, and the fear of not having a healthy baby overcomes my every moment....I have been told, better start now trying, not sure if I can now...unless there are some changes made...I have tried to ease my way to this point, but it can't happen anymore, I need to be ready now or never....big decision that needs to be made here...I have already been told to see a counselor for my anxieties and fears of being pregnant....I will have to make an appointment as soon as next week...I think I have made the decision to go forward with trying and if it doesn't happen easily, I will look into adoption....either way, I will bring another life into this world, I have already made that decision today...it will be as Kayla says, "however it turns out"..when I asked her if she wanted a baby brother or sister someday..she is so much more at ease and she helps me with her words of wisdom....has anyone out there feared Down's Syndrome? I did not get my triple screen test last time around (now they test for 4 things)...and would NEVER do the amniocentesis...how do you get past your fears, I know I have options, but I don't have a lot of support where I can get away and take care of those fears....I have to start with tapes and quiet moments while I am here...
posted by sweet memories @ 8:38 AM
3 Comments:
At 12:54 PM,
Becky Mairi Farrell said…
Fear is so hard to deal with and I guess most of us push it away for as long as we can. It sounds like you are really confronting your fears now and that takes courage. I really hope that things work out for you, and that seeing a counsellor helps.
At 5:31 PM,
andria said…
I could have written that post. I am almost 38 and need to have another one soon if I am going to. I fear Downs all the time, I don't really know why though. I worked with Downs kids for four years and they are all sweet children, and I loved every one. I think I fear worse things because my one best friend had a stillbirth (at 36) and my others son was born with a severe heart defect and she almost died when a clot went to her lung during a csection (37). During my last section I lost a portion of my bladder due to adhesions from the previous section and although my dr. assures me I could have another baby, no big deal, it worries me if that happens again. I bled alot and almost lost my uterus due to hemorraghing. Then once the first one was here I had severe PPD and spent way too much time worrying about him dying in his sleep or injesting anthrax on accident (no really I did), thankfully no PPD or weird fears with the second. BUT, my husband wants a third and I think I do too and I wonder do I just take the chance with the risk involved or do I go the safe route and be happy with what I have (which I am) but then possibly miss out on something wonderful. It is a dilemma. Let me know what you decide. Just know your thoughts are normal, I think it comes with the territory.
At 6:22 AM,
sweet memories said…
thanks so much for all your words, this is a big life decision I am facing, and so far, life has been very rewarding for me, and i have lived through my anxieties and fears wtihout going on meds! so, I think that is a major accomplishment in itself! this blogging has helped so much, so I thank all of you for your words of encouragement....still have not gone for it yet, but this week will be a turning point....I feel like I am ready....I know you will all be there as I go through this, and that is comforting...thank you...
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